: I honestly think that's all I would cut out. You gotta leave enough in so the
: emotion of the scene gets through. I think this shifts the focus a bit
: more to the chief and what he's feeling, and also makes the 'you don't
: talk much do you?" line slightly more humorous.

: I wish I had proper shots of the chief to insert so we aren't on Laskey for
: so long, but I have what I have.

: I watched this in context of the entire rest of the ending, and I don't
: really miss Laskey talking about Earth. Some folks might. Just an
: experiment.

It's not bad, just like the first tweak and the original weren't bad. I think the waxing nostalgic is a good cut; I think a better fix would be changing it so it's one or two lines/sentences. I absolutely think the Chief would not fail to address a superior officer in a respectful and clear way, so that line should stay regardless of a lot of things. More talk or more time before the "you don't talk much" line (after Lasky starts standing there) is pretty important to have, I think. I still think the Chief should have some line or some expression or something after Lasky finishes talking besides a slight head turn. Unlike you, I can't read minds, especially the minds of fictional characters. Something should be there to show he's not shutting out what was said (or everything for that matter) or trying to put it out of his mind-- a lot of people stare off into space when they're trying not to think about something. I think it comes down to the Chief not having facial expressions because of the whole faceless character thing and having hampered body language because of the heavy, bulky power armor-- pretty much any other character might be able to get this across with a slight change in their face, but the Chief has to be relatively explicit about everything he does that the audience is supposed to pick up on.