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http://halo4.isnotcanon.net/video/ending_recut2.mov
I honestly think that's all I would cut out. You gotta leave enough in so the emotion of the scene gets through. I think this shifts the focus a bit more to the chief and what he's feeling, and also makes the 'you don't talk much do you?" line slightly more humorous.
I wish I had proper shots of the chief to insert so we aren't on Laskey for so long, but I have what I have.
I watched this in context of the entire rest of the ending, and I don't really miss Laskey talking about Earth. Some folks might. Just an experiment.