Release a starting map for Halo 5 that is just a straight-up, unpolished, no-frills Halo 1 map.

Imagine Halo 5 being played on this, as-is:

Or this

Instead of this

Those clean lines. Those simplistic designs and textures. Those instantly-recognizable yet completely unimposing aesthetics. Surely there's some kind of value to that?

Now I know what you're thinking. "Schooly, you're being blinded by nostalgia. Halo 1's maps weren't even perfectly balanced for Halo 1, they'd be a mess with Halo 5's physics and sandbox. And next to the graphics and detail of other next-gen games they'd look unpalatably ugly, just like you. Also your hair's stupid."

And you'd be right. Maybe. But how about this: what do you have to lose?

I know someone at 343i is reading this. Pass it around. Sneak it into a meeting. "Guys, we have a solid line-up of maps, but what if..." Take a chance. The design committee might strike it down, but they might not. Remind them what Bungie accomplished when they took chances. You'd still have your Halo-5-ish maps, but the inclusion of an unpolished Halo 1 map could be like a little what's up to the fans. A little gift. It wouldn't be a massive undertaking: the geometries are simple, the textures basic. Don't even alter the H5 sandbox: weapons, ordnance, keep all that stuff as it is in the rest of H5 MP. Maybe scale the map to accommodate run speed and jump height, but except for that just dump it in.

Maybe it'll be broken. Scratch that: it will be broken. Most Halo maps in any game are imperfect. Maybe it'll be really broken. But maybe it won't be. Maybe, despite its brokenness, it'll be tremendously popular. Maybe it'll be terrible and you can finally hold the whiners' faces to it and yell "SEE? THIS IS WHY WE DON'T DO THIS, YOU MOOSE COCK."

The aesthetics are really the important part of this. There have been plenty of remakes over the years, but each one has adopted, wholesale, the aesthetics of the newer game, usually marked by an incessant business about everything ("we're not using all the cores! put more pipes into the walls! make these floors uneven! why can I still clearly see the enemy over there?!").

Now I know what you're thinking... again. "Schooly, you've made it clear there's no love lost between you and 343i. What makes you think you can just start requesting them for stuff after taking several moderately-sized dumps on their desks?"

And the answer is simple: because this isn't a request. It's a dare. A double-dog dare backed by the full authority of Team Something or other. And then something about a bank.

Just throw it in there, 343i. I know you want to. Call it a gift.