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Re: DogTag Origins Comic
Date: 4/23/14 3:00 pm
In Response To: DogTag Origins Comic (Halochief89)

: After a month and a half of hard work I've just finished a fan fiction comic
: called DogTag Origins which is a bit of a "origin" comic for one
: of my OC spartans named SPARTAN-C009 Melissa.
: Here is her Data File I did a while back

: Hope you guys enjoy and if you have any questions just ask.

*Sees DEEP NNN's review*

Huh. Harsh.

Anyhow, Melissa's bio was a pretty dull read. That's actually a common problem with military sci-fi; you are summarizing an entire career and then drowning it in Pentagon jargon. It sounds bland, and it's easy to get cliched.

So, instead of summarizing her entire career, just state where she was born and stick to two or three key engagements in her life. In this case, I would recommend focusing on her Spartan III training, her deployment with Quiver, and the training of Spartan IVs. Clean the bio up, give it structure, and get rid of those run-on sentences.

Anyhow, your artwork is really good! My only problem is that Melissa's hair is way too long and poofy to be practical.

Messages In This Thread

DogTag Origins ComicHalochief894/23/14 1:33 am
     Re: DogTag Origins ComicDEEP NNN4/23/14 8:10 am
           Re: DogTag Origins ComicHalochief894/23/14 2:17 pm
                 Re: DogTag Origins ComicDEEP NNN4/23/14 3:26 pm
                       Re: DogTag Origins ComicQuirel4/23/14 3:45 pm
                       Re: DogTag Origins ComicHalochief894/23/14 3:51 pm
     Re: DogTag Origins ComicQuirel4/23/14 3:00 pm
           Re: DogTag Origins ComicHalochief894/23/14 3:06 pm
                 Re: DogTag Origins ComicQuirel4/23/14 3:31 pm
     Re: DogTag Origins ComicTDSpiral4/23/14 3:05 pm
           Re: DogTag Origins ComicHalochief894/23/14 3:13 pm

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