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[STUDIO APPLAUSE]
Thank you, thank you. You're a wonderful audience.
And how about that band, eh? They're really something.
Welcome to my HBOBP 2015 writeup.
We've got some lovely guests here tonight and Kenny Loggins.
But first, some background. A few months ago, our resident gril of operations and true nice guy, Tex, contacted the b.org crews about having another HBO Beach Party. There hadn't been one in several years, and our venerable queen of the stone age sought to remedy that in the wonderful, wi-fi filled, beach containing, Seaside, OR.
I'll skip all the flying parts, cuz they sucked. I arrived at baggage claim and saw my crew congregating. I strode over trying to conceal my excitement with my best cool guy poker face, but it was no use. Smiles quickly cracked my facade as Sammy, Tex, and Bryan Newman rolled over to me. Later, we met hlmtre, BoneKin, and mech at the airport as well. This marks the first time Sammy has met much of the intrepid West Coast Krue, there was much excitement as we boarded our microbus and headed for a little eatery called... and you guessed it... Paddy's.
We walked into Paddy's which was mostly empty at the time, except for one mysterious man at the bar who turned around and asked, "Are any of you Paddy?" I cautiously raised my hand and he signaled to give me a hug. "How strange" I thought, but then it all made sense to me. In the commotion, I forgot we were meeting local Portlandian iconicbanana of DBO semi-fame. The hug became real instead of semi-real. We all sat to have a pint or two and some lunch. Quite a rueben they got there btw. They also had an impressive "wall of liquor".
To which Tex asks "Do you have Pappy Van Winkle?"
To which they reply "We have 4 kinds, which did you want?"
To which Tex replies,
I can confirm Pappy is among both the smoothest and most expensive bourbon you can find. Glad I wasn't paying.
-emblazened on the wall of the Paddy's bathroom
After a smooth lunchtime, we bid Dr.B farewell and made the 2 hour drive to the beach house. Me and Bryan slept in the back while the grils jammed, or talked about boys, or talked about girls, I don't know, whatever it is they do.
I awoke to Seaside, a nice, small beach city. It was perfect.
We rolled up into beach house and spec'd it out. It even came with an Original Xbox and all the NCAA football sequels you could want.
Then promptly rolled to the grocery/liquor store for our weekend mound of refreshments.
Upon our return to casa de beacho, the Seattle wagon had rolled into the station, carrying with it kanbo, TDSpiral, and PostMortem. The Maker be praised.
A few us ran to the beach about 2 blocks away for a quick moment. That water was still pretty damn cold.
We were now at full splash capacity and celebrated with some ping pong.
Then the final buzzer rang, and that was dinner time.
"That don't impress me much"
But dinner couldn't quite happen until the inaugural speech was given.
And some secret behind the scenes footage of speech
After all the musical chairs nonsense, we ate some tasty tacos courtesy of Tex and Sammy.
Sammy had heard my birthday was coming up right after the beach party, so she made me some presents. These are definitely the sweetest and best gifts I got this year. I seriously love them.
And after that.... I don't really remember. Mostly drank and hung out with these bros. Then I slept or something like that.
The next morning we all woke up at our own pace to fresh eggs and bacon. Some of us started to play the board games included with the house. I never realized TD was the king of games.
Kanbo does his best not to anger the god of Parker and Brothers.
Some of us logged into Destiny to grab some of Xur's stash before the petulant weasel shoved off for the weekend. (HBOers read as: resident evil trench coat man)
The rest of us jumped on the ancient and sadistic game of monopoly, which Tex had been talking mad shit about her dunking skills in.
Through some twists, turns, and mortgages, Tex was knocked out first to much applause. But interest in the game soon waned without a common goal among the other corporate powers. Like fighting communism after the fall of the USSR. After the capitalist tyrant had fallen, we decided to head to the Seaside Aquarium. It wasn't a hard sell after they talk about having seals and a "touch tank."
Apparently they give you dead fishes to feed the seals when you go into the aquarium.
So we threw some salty fish at those turkeys.
We then looked at more sea creatures.
You were talking shit like I wouldn't hear
Then, we learned about the legend of Victor
His rise to fame
Tragedy strikes
Gone too soon
RIP Victor ;_;7
Before we left, we left them a souvenir of our own
Upon our exit, we found someone walking their pet piggy
"Oink"
When we got back to BP central command, Sammy made us some lunchtime carne asada and accompanying shots of tequila.
And we hung up the crayola drawings some of us got from the Aquarium.
And rearranged the kitchen magnets a few more times.
We settled in afterwards for a little bit of the Jackbox Party Pack. I nice party game suite for console and pc for not too much a penny. I can still say my favorite game of the 5 is Drawful. Get a load of these fuckos.
A few hours later, we were joined by KP and his wonderful ladyfriend, Dawn. Upon their arrival, we decided to put the beach in the this partay, and headed seaside.
WITNESS!
rife with hijinks
And thus the burial of BoneKin did begin, and the Lord saw it, and it was good.
that six pack and rack are coming in nicely
And as was tradition, BoneKin was forced into the sea to be with his own kind. And lo, the Lord did chuckle and ask me to pass the Doritos.
The water itself was just fine after you warmed up to it, I did not warm up to seeing crabs walking around though. Kanbo, being a cheeky mate, picked up one of them and got pinched real good. I'd tell you where, but I want to save kanbo some privacy.
After splashing and bashing on the seaside shores, we packed it up and headed back in fo dinner time. Tonight's meal? Tex's Burgers and Wings. I even got to form the patties myself. heh. heheh.
Chief of Grill Operations
After a BP BBQ that couldn't be beat, we began drinking yet again. I think we played some drawful, but I'm probably a little fuzzy on those details.
KP and Dawn couldn't stay the night, so before they headed out, we got photographic evidence that 300% the normal amount of girl was at this shindig.
And there was much lamenting KP's departure. We drank even more. and more. and moreso.
After a Kanbonekin beer pong victory, we contemplated our next course of action.
Then the idea reemerged. Isn't there a hot tub?
It was true, we paid the extra amount for access to the hot tub.
The splashers jumped into the lukewarm tub, as Tex attempted to find the right combo of switches, breakers, and buttons to make the warm tub a hawt tub.
It roared to life, for nearly 3 minutes before going cold and never turning on again. Tex went back on the case, but to no avail. The tub was just not having it.
Money well wasted. The TSD lawyers will be meeting with the defendants (hereby refered as: the fuckheads) shortly. Regardless, we all enjoyed the warm tub for a time. Then went back to drinking. I mean c'mon, we had entire bottles to polish off still, and the better half of keggy.
This is the last photo I remember being taken that night. I wouldn't make it too much farther, and I slept most of the night on that couch. I woke up very early to BoneKin eyeing me up. Feeling the cold of the room and the cold of his stare, I went up to my bed and slept a bit longer.
Went I woke up v2, brunch smells filled the air. Waffles, mimosas, eggs, bacon, and toast all made by el mamacitas bonitas. It was enough to make this conchito cry. But there was no time to tear up, I had to pacificar mi barriga.
Oye ve
The rest of the day was filled with chilling out, and one of my favorite activities. Watching horrible anime.
Today's selection, Gatekeepers. Average price: $2.50
It was enough to put BoneKin to sleep almost instantly, and more than enough to make many leave mid-episode. And I don't blame them, it is truly horrible. But there are some real gem moments, like when the mother in inexplicable hysterics over how unbehaved her children are asks them to say goodbye to their father before they leave for school. Then they pan over to a picture:
with almost comedic timing. You can't make this up, folks.
The rest of the day was chillaxing until Team SeaTac (kanbo, TD, and PostMortem) had to leave for work the next day. There was great sadness, but even greater sadness was that keggy had to leave with them.
Until...
An idea...
Operation Long Pong went into action. All able pitchers were at the ready to empty that keg. The remainder of us had one objective, empty the place of food and drink before checkout the nexct morning. The great pongening did commence. Now, I don't want to toot my own horn, but the dream team of Tex and yours truly did rain down brimstone and pongfire upon thy enemies.
Until we ran out of beer.
Then margarita pong sprung eternal.
To keep it even, we made it 3v3, to ensure there wasn't a sober one of us left.
BoneKin did join our intrepid enterprise
He rose my spirits as well as the dead.
And at a tie, I noticed we had the same exact formation.
pretty spooky amirite?
We sank them just the same, and with that so did the night.
Last I remember, they left me with the last bottle of whiskey on a couch and wished me luck. Those fuckers. I did what had to be done, and passed into the great beyond.
Woke up yeat again, against my best efforts, to a vacant Newman, as he had an earlier flight than all of us and cut out early. We all packed and cleaned up, which to my surprise, there was not too much to do on either front.
Well, except for whatever this was...
We were cleared for departure, and our group of plucky young heroes headed for the airport. Mech lived in Portland, so he went on his own way, much like the vagabond he was. BoneKin and Sammy had the same flight out and were both delivered for fun times in the big metal bird.
And then there were two.
Tex enticed me with the talk of a corndog place in the Portland airport. Sonic's favorite food is also a great joy of mine. But alas, it was not meant to be. The place had closed and been replaced 6 odd months before. Leaving us to some other random rice place. I don't know. It was pretty good.
We chilled until it was time for Tex to roll out. Said my goodbyes and went rogue.
I'll skip all the lame night flying, except that I flew into San Fran just in time to see the sun set on the west coast. That was nice.
I made it back to the Pittsburgh airport in mostly one piece at 6:30am. Just in time to sleep my birthday away.
I am literally in the throes of death.
And that's our story good B.orgers. If you didn't get to go, or decided not to, know your shame is real and I can consume it for lifeforce energy. Stay jelly.
And lastly, a big thanks to Tex for hosting and throwing this bash sized party on the beach.
Remember...
Think Big.
Dream Big.
Get Big.
-Paddy
HBOBP 2015 Official Writeup | padraig08 | 7/4/15 10:28 pm |
Re: HBOBP 2015 Official Writeup | NartFOpc | 7/5/15 1:02 am |
A tear to my eye. *NM* | Louis Wu | 7/5/15 1:22 pm |
The residual fumes on Sammy burned my eyes too. *NM* | munky-058 | 7/5/15 1:50 pm |
The new gold standard. | LostSpartan987 | 7/5/15 7:02 pm |
Re: The new gold standard. | padraig08 | 7/5/15 7:54 pm |
Did someone say gold? *NM* | Tex | 7/5/15 8:15 pm |