: Okay, so now I'm writing the narration texts for my Jman
: levels. I've got the first one done but it needs a
: once-over. Nobody knows this stuff like the Asylum, so
: please, let me have it. (side note: some of this stuff
: is my own creation, but I still need to know if it
: fits in): |iTwelve Jaguar Burning Moon, Outside
: Lancarfan|p
: Three thousand years have passed since first the Heron
: Banner was lifted.
It really depends on when your story is set. The Cath Bruig empire was founded 2452 years ago from a view point of one year after the defeat of Soulblighter, and GURPS says that this was when the Heron Guard were formed.
: On that day, millenia past, the last shamans of the Cath
: Bruig gave over their temples to the priests of Wyrd
: and took in exchange swords and armor. With Tierces
: the Great they broke the back of darkness in the land,
: their deathless bodies all that stood between humanity
: and endless night.
At the time of Tirces, the Heron did not exist. It was years later when Clovis founded Cath Bruig that they came into existence.
: When Moagim came the Bright Century took their place in
: the lists. Their lines were never broken though fire
: engulfed the world.
: Against the Myrkridian Horde they stood steadfast and
: lost not a man when the Terrible Pack rushed the walls
: of Muirthemne.
: When the Wolf arose to bring in his new age, when the
: Trow were locked beneath their iron city, when the
: Tain was raised in the name of Connacht, the Guard was
: at his side and together they prevailed.
We don't know if the Heron were around in great numbers at this time, but I suppose it's ok to assume so. We do not know whether they held Muirthemne or not, but GURPS speaks of Connacht gathering bands of desperate warriors, not armies of elite troops.
: Through comet's rage and storm's fury, through steel and
: iron and axe and sword the honor of the Heron Banner
: was ne'er stained. Through all yesterday's battles the
: Guard proved unimpeachable and indomitable.
: Today Muirthemne is burning.
: Today the Emperor Ceiscoran was buried in an unmarked
: grave so the Ghôls would not gnaw his bones.
Hmmm, I don't know if they buried Ceiscoran. There is a pregame piccy of Balor standing over the dead body of Ceiscoran. There are forces still guarding the place in the intro to TFL.
: Today the Heron Guard is no more.
Yup. Damnit, you're making me cry!
: For days now we have wandered through the ruins, seeing
: nought but ash and fire. We have no food and precious
: little water. We have seen no survivors, no life
: anywhere. This thing that Balor has done is terrible
: indeed.
: Yet this morning we were all startled by a movement at
: the edge of vision. It seems this new desert has taken
: on a life of its own. At first we thought we had found
: a survivor, a Northman by his look, though he seemed
: covered in blood. As we closed in he taunted us with
: his sword and shouted that he needed help. We rushed
: to his aid--only to watch in horror as he erupted in a
: fountain of blood.
: Examination of the remains showed that he had been
: nothing but. A spirit of anguish, composed entirely of
: the blood of Muirthemne, which lays in pools around us
: now and hovers in the air like a fine mist.
: Was he real--or just a phantasm of our own guilt? We
: cannot know the answer. Yet Eight Coyote Comet, the
: last of our Elders, says we must lay any more such
: ghosts to rest. By force, if necessary.
: Seeing the ghost made me wish I had, like some of my
: younger brothers, kept my armor. The path to
: redemption is the true way, I feel this in my bones. I
: did not hesitate when the time came to throw away my
: breastplate and put on, instead, the robes I had not
: worn since my initiation. The gold tiles are heavy,
: however, and I fear they will slow me down in combat.
: At least I am not defenseless, for I carry the shovel I
: used to bury the Emperor Ceiscoran. Perhaps I can
: wield it as once I did my swords. I fear I will have
: the chance to prove this all too soon.
: I know it's long. You should have seen the first version
: :)
: --Wellington
Apart from the above things I think its great! Anyone else find anything wrong?
