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| KP interview, psychically unexpurgated, raw | |
| Posted By: Miguel Chavez | Date: 10/27/06 2:55 p.m. |
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Community Spotlight: Zoom Demon
--KP-- I have a sandwich. [KP eyes his official MS commissary sandwich. Bread looks stale, but the cheese is melting off the sides, moist. Very moist. It almost didn't make the trip in his pants pocket from the food court.] --Zoom-- I have rice and orange chicken --KP-- Damn, trumped [KP's eyes drifts upward. "Mmmm, chicken. When the hell am I going to learn how to cook chicken? Dammit!"] [Minutes pass as KP puzzles over his current predicament. Working at a dream job, but a bachelor, sleeping in a square apartment with nothing on the walls; a corner made to look all pretty with all the nerd accoutrements. How many different ways can he photoshop his apartment pics to subtract as much suck as possible? He's running out of time. Time. Oh right, the interview!] --KP-- Interview? --Zoom-- We can do the interview during our virtual lunch. [A bluff that failed. He was just firing up Photoshop. "How do I add an Ottoman next to my desk? I have to get the shadows just right. Maybe I should ask Bentillama for help. I think he's talking to me again." KP absently hits Alt-F4 and watches as the Photoshop splash screen vanishes, revealing the dozen or so IM boxes and his IRC admin screen.] --KP-- Alright. Who are you? What do you do in "the real world?" Remember? That place with fall damage? ["Heh. I still got it!"] --Zoom-- Are we starting the interview now? [KP thinks. "I guess we're really going to do this!" He pulls out his interview crib sheet, Frankie swears it helps.] --KP-- Yes, yes we are. --Zoom-- My name is Tasha but everyone calls me Zoom. In the real world, I am a 24 year old college student who is close to obtaining a degree in marketing. ["OK, time to bring my A GAME!"] --KP-- Who are the Cavegirls? What is your role in the Cavegirls? --Zoom-- The Cavegirls is a group of females who play Halo 2 on XBox live. We were founded by our leader Cayote back in December 2004 when she wanted an all female group to join so she made her own! We have been growing ever since, and mainly just play for fun. We have been able to remain small so that all the girls in group know each other. I am the Co-Leader of The Cavegirls. --Zoom-- My job is to pretty much help Cayote run the group. [While Zoom is typing, KP has been browsing torrents. He desperately needs that season premiere of Las Vegas. James Caan is vastly underrated. Wait, she stopped typing! Quick, grab the last sentence and throw it back at her!] --KP-- Help Cayote run the group. --Zoom-- Ah, by helping with recruitment, running the forums, organizing challenges, planning events, and brainstorm ideas in which will help our group run better and continue to grow. [A door opens and closes. KP tenses up and cranes his neck around his computer screen. Which door... damn, it's Marty! It'll be a little while before he comes sauntering around here, with the Chicago-noogie, but it will happen, no doubt about it. What kind of hell is this? Why am I doing this again? I'd rather be doing community-service. Wait, THE COMMUNITY angle!] --KP-- How long have you been a part of the Bungie community? Where did you get your start? --Zoom-- I started with the Bungie community way back when Marathon 2 was out. I use to go on the message boards at the time and helped people who had trouble getting past some levels. I took a long break, and did not get back into Bungie games until Halo 1 came out. During Halo 1, I was not active in the community. I did not start becoming active until when Halo 2 came out. Shortly after Halo 2 came out, I found Cayote's Cavegirls group, and have been active ever since. [KP reflexively rubs his stomach. Lunch. Lunch. Lunch. Lunch. That sandwich went down too easy. Italian, chinese, japanese, thai, american cuisine, indian, so many choices. Decisions. Decisions. Wait, mexican! A burrito! Yum! Strips of chicken, mole sauce, gauc, warm rice, and...] --KP-- Cool beans. [KP stifles an empty stomach belch. That was embarrassing. "I should stick to this interview, get it over with. I need to order food. What can I ask her about? I need to drag this out a bit, won't pass the 'Frankie-test' otherwise."] --KP-- Which Marathon message boards, if you remember? --Zoom-- Back when "Bungie" was an AOL keyword. --KP-- Heh, nice. [come on, drag it out!] What year was that, roughly? --Zoom-- Wow... I was young... probably... 1996? --KP-- Hm. [He needs to stall as he does the math.] --Zoom-- Yea, you probably weren’t even born yet, KP. --KP-- Hah, no, I only pull the, "Wow, mister! I wasn’t even born then!" line on Marty. That's responsible for 40% of my firings. Breaking Achronos' site another 50% and provoking Noguchi's rage the other ten. [Ed. note. Failing to acknowledge Frankie's mastery over your existence is a good way to go, too] ["Dammit, why does Frankie have to step on my lines? Get over it ya bald bastidge!"] Explain the Fight Like a Girl tournament to me. How’d it go, what did it achieve, why did you bridge me out? ["I'm da bomb!"] --Zoom-- Fight Like A Girl was a tournament idea by one of our lovely Cavegirls, THE DON WAN. Basically, she came to us with the idea of hosting a tournament on Xbox Live that would raise money for breast cancer research since October is breast cancer awareness month. It was a FFA tournament with a maximum of 64 players. Each entrant into the tournament was required to donate at least $10, but many people donated more, or for their friends to play. [KP starts thinking about breasts. At first his own, but then lady boobies. It almost knocks off the pedestal his burrito fantasy, but he clenches his buttocks and wills such icky-ness away. Just a few more questions and he can be done with this and go eat] --KP-- How much did you generate? --Zoom-- It went very well, with almost every participant showing up. We raised $750 [edit- the total just mysteriously rose to $777]. And I had to lag you out, how else was I going to advance? [Now KP chuckles to himself. You betcha, sister. Nobody gets past these killa chubby hands. But I got to put on a friendly face...] --KP-- Naturally. But in all honesty, you gots da mad skillz, don't sell yourself short. What were the final standings? --Zoom-- LOA Taco won, MeasterGXL 2nd, me 3rd, LOA Johnny Dutch 4th ["I don't care about any of you."] --KP-- Exactly. Can you explain what’s kept the Cavegirls community running for so long? [The Frankie-crib notes have saved KP's ass many a time] --Zoom-- Well, we started off as Bungie.net group. We have since expanded to our own off-site forums which has helped us get to know other communities and have other communities get to know us. We are always finding ways to improve the group and make changes when necessary. --KP-- Like banning stalkers? --Zoom-- Did we ban you? --KP-- ssssssnap! This interview is over [KP starts to shutdown his computer, when he feels a low throbbing warmth spread by the base of his scrotum. As it starts to throb faster, he remembers the remote-electro shock that Brian and Frankie grafted to his balls when he first started at Bungie. He has to get his act together and really wow them. Obviously Brian is monitoring his actions. KP just left Frankie lying in a ditch somewhere, swimming in his own urine and about $100 lighter in the wallet; it can't be Frankie.] Actually, no, it's not. I've got more questions. Sit back down. Changing tone now, to very serious matters at the heart of the community and in fact society. Joseph Staten wants to get the new Macbook but he’s torn between ordering now and waiting until Macworld where he’s sure they will start shipping them with Mac OS X Leopard pre-installed. Should he wait or get one now? --Zoom-- Good things come to those who wait. I say wait! [KP feels the techno-party in his funbags start to subside. He was starting to enjoy it.] --KP-- Lamecakes. --Zoom-- Oh fine. --KP-- I feel that the more Joe Staten rushes things, the more we have to benefit as fans.
[KP grabs his wireless xbox 360 controller and starts to remove the battery. He unfastens his xxxl belt as he tries to wriggle the battery down his front. "If I place it in just the right spot, I can probably get this party started again..." --Zoom-- In campaign, I would have to say the final level, The Maw. I am the worst warthog driver, but trying to escape with the warthog as quickly as possible with all these obstacles and convenant surrounding you is just awesome. [KP is struggling a bit now as he tries to get past some flesh. He remembers that he's used the corner of his swank office table to auto-heimlich himself. It's almost a weekly thing. Why not make use of it in this situation? Ah, you can't keep a good man down! With a harsh cough he's able to jiggle the white pak-o-fun past himself!] --KP-- Hells yes. Did you like fighting the Flood? --Zoom--As long as I have a shotgun, the Flood are fun to fight. --KP-- Do you envision any ways in which Bungie could further facilitate the creation and ultimate success of a community? --Zoom-- I think adding more features and options with the Bungie.net groups would help communities expand and grow. Features that include more networking with other groups, and more options to help customize a group so they can differentiate themselves from other groups. The Bungie.net groups are such a great launching pad for communities. --KP-- So some sort of new new hotness? Hm... that would be cool, wouldn't it? [KP is trying to sound like he knows something about new b.net features. In truth, he skips all b.net progress meetings. Too boring. Why don't they just port an IRC client to XBL? They should be paying me for these ideas.] --Zoom-- NEW HAWTNESS --KP-- :o [The office microwave pings and jars KP out of his stupor. He forgot all about that! Enough with the emoticons... HOT POCKETS!] --KP-- Alright, we're done. Thanks! --Zoom-- woo! Thanks KP. | |
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