"The Legendary Crate that holds the Legendary Loot looks much like a shoebox, and it probably started out life that way. But it's got some nice art on the inside. That's a picture of... Douglas or Alice, maybe Jerome. It's a nice picture. This is one of the few shoeboxes that I've ever been tempted to unfold and frame."

"There is a packet of intel lying on top. It's got a briefing from ONI, and a nice photo of... something. That looks like a ship, and an asteroid, and probably one of the Ark's arms in the distance. Pretty. And... a sheet of stickers. Covenant vehicle stickers. Or maybe they're magnets. Time for the Covenant to invade my fridge."

"Here is a diagram of the Spirit of Fire with all the upgrades that have been performed. That noise you're hearing in the background is probably Grizzlei fangirling out. I think she lives somewhere across town."

"And here we have a stress ball, shaped like a MJOLNIR Helmet. I hear that's what Atriox used Douglas's discarded helmet for. It's got this annoying plastic wrap around it. Really annoying. By the time I get it open, I'm really going to need that stress ball."

"Next we have a baseball shirt for Team Atriox. No, wait, it's for the Banished. I think "Team Atriox" would mean something slightly different. It's a little thin to be wearing this time of year, especially with the record winter. In fact, I daresay it's a little thin period. You definitely want to layer up with this thing."

"Now we have the centerpiece. It's a box with a beautiful statue of Atriox. It, uh, it shipped in two or three pieces, which means that we're going to have a problem. You see, ladies, this is how every single man on Earth assembles something. It doesn't matter if it's a Lego set or an IKEA bookshelf or a transmission that we took apart ourselves, we never consult the directions. Ever. Any object can be assembled by trial and error and human ingenuity, and to consult the written directions is to admit failure. It's an admission that we can't find our own way in life. Trust me, hundreds of men are going to watch this video, and not a single one of them will ever tell me to look for an instruction booklet. See? It falls apart every time I try to set it down, but I have not yet failed. Fer chrissakes, it should just snap together."

"This is a booklet. Just a notebook with the ONI logo on front. Pretty handy."

"And now we have a cardboard tube with a poster inside. There's a nice shot of Atriox on the front and one of the coolest Hunters we've ever seen. The poster also doubles as a list of the things inside, so if the loot crate shipped without the poster, you will never know what else you missed."

"We have a pin of the Banished's emblem. It's cool, but you have to reach Spartan Rank 75 to wear it and you can't select a background color. Shame."

"And here we have a Halo Wars 2 mousepad. That's something that never would have shipped with the original game. What people don't realize is that this mousepad and the stress ball are a survival kit for playing the PC port. You can take out all your laggy, buggy frustrations on the Spartan helmet, and when the game disconnects on an intense multiplayer match you almost won, your berserk rage won't harm your mouse or your desktop. That some forward thinking on 343i's part."