So, I finished Halo 2 Anniversary, and again--the graphics are incredible. I'd like to thank Blur studios and the rest of the restoration crews for the near-constant visual orgasm. I've NEVER seen so many skulls in one game before--which both thrills and terrifies me. It will make par score achievements a lot easier going through Cairo Station and Delta Halo with So...Angry, They Come Back, and Prophet Birthday Party on. I don't know if that was a mistake or not, but I choose to take it!

As for the skulls themselves, let's talk.

After playing through the game on Vanilla, then deciding to put some of my immediate favorite skulls on, I instantly noticed several things:

[*]Since damage calculations are different in Halo 2, and Elites are no longer "allergic" to plasma grenades, Grunt Funeral--the former eradicator of rooms--now poses more of a danger to the player, not the enemies. Uh-oh.

[*]Bandanna doesn't work on Covenant weapons. That's some stuff you need to fix, 343i!

[*]Assassins is very LATE. Almost every corner I turn, the enemies are in plain full sight for at least three seconds, defeating the purpose. At least my Marines still can't figure it out.

[*]They nerfed Grunt Birthday Party. This pisses me off to no end. 343i's not going to fix any of the broken crap that's wrong with any of the Halo games--they're not changing code to keep Halos in their original glory! Oh, but let's TAKE THIS RIGHT OUT! I don't remember that same damn kidscheering.mp3 loop playing over and over in Halo 2 Vista, or Halo 2, for that matter. So why break their rule of not changing code and directly change code, turning a great and challenging experience into the Halo equivalent of a Top 40 song on the radio? And not a single person dare to tell me it was processor or framerate related, because I just spent one of the few positive H2A Skull moments cackling with sadistic glee as I glassed the whole world with dual-wielding SMG Scarab Guns. Not to mention, it's the friggin' Xbox One. That is a serious dick move, 343i. Serious dick move.

Let's move on, before I get sick.

Terminals still aren't working, even with the Halo Channel update. Again, local copies wouldn't have killed you.

Now let's get sick anyway, and talk about matchmaking. What has actually been fixed with all these updates? I'm hearing "better than ever"--I sure haven't seen it!

Since I hadn't started Halo 3 or 4 yet, I decided to start my multiplayer experience on the first two Halo games, so to know what to expect(....again, I guess.)

Side note: Did you know that Halo 1 spawning and Halo 3 spawning are exactly the same?

Anyway, my first Halo 1 Xbox Live game was a 3v3 monstrosity on Hang 'em High. Did not work out well. Very quickly I realized there was something wrong here, because the next game I got paired up in was a 2v2 on Battle Creek that went all the way up to 50. Fifty points. In a 2v2 game. It lasted for ages!

The very next game after that, I get a 3v3(well, it was supposed to be, but it turned out to be 3v me and someone else) on Chill Out. Swear to god, less than 30 seconds later, the game ends and we lose. SERIOUSLY.

I look at the scoreboard--the winning team(of three, to remind you) had 4, 4, and 3 kills respectively.

So.....the score to win was 10? In a game of 3v3 2?

Halo 2 fared just as badly. I got matched in a Gemini Slayer game of literally 4v2. Not 4v2 as in 'eight people got matched and two people quit out'. I mean 4v2 as in 'our matchmaking system found six people and put four of them on Blue Team and two of them on Red Team and actually considered this fair and started the game anyway'. Jesus, man...

I don't know if this next part is frequent or not, but it's pretty stupid, so I can only assume 343i filed it in the 'Not Important' list. I was in the Halo 2 Classic playlist, and three voting options show up. Team BR's on Lockout, Team Snipers on Terminal and Team Crazy King on Turf. I vote for Snipers, more people also vote for Snipers, and the voting eventually ends, with Team Snipers on Terminal winning with five votes. Imagine my scoff of condescension when I find myself on the icy peaks of Lockout. Before you ask, no--there wasn't a last minute vote change. It was a majority--5. Five beats three.

So what was that then?

I haven't tried Halo 2 Anniversary Multiplayer yet--it's just Halo 4 anyway.

But I guess I'll continue with Halo 3 and 4, the neglected middle children of this debacle. Hope some good stuff comes out for Halo 3 Anniversary in 2017.