Frequently Asked Forum Questions | ||||
Search Older Posts on This Forum: Posts on Current Forum | Archived Posts | ||||
The UNSC Battle Cruiser: "No Eggheads Allowed" with her newly christened Captain, Sarah Palmer - the greatest living super-soldier!, detects a single sensor blip 170.5 million kilometers residing deep within the Horsehead Nebula. Minutes later! "Ma'am, sensor's are now detecting multiple contacts of unknown configurations, best guess ma'am, there may be at least a hundred ships?' - say's Ensign Justin Bieber.
"Ensign Bieber, nothing to be concerned about young man!". "The sensors in my suit detected the ships 13 hours ago - and they are NOT the Covenant!" "Navigation, bring the ship to full stop with thrusters at station keeping". "Armory, this is Captain Palmer, ready my jet-pack and get me my pistols".
"Sergeant Johnson to Captain Palmer!" "Yes, Sergeant?" "My Marines stand ready to assist you". "No need, Sergeant....I got this!" "Yes ma'am".
"Captain Palmer, should we report this to command?", say's Communications Officer Lieutenant, Miley Cyrus - who was recently released from a secret UNCS medical facility that treated her (with some success) for a severe case of dry-tongue syndrome. "NO, lieutenant, I AM THE POWER IN THIS UNIVERSE........I won't let those damn eggheads at command tell me what to do". "NEXT TIME you address me, Lieutenant Cyrus, this will be the LAST TIME I tell you to keep your tongue in your mouth.......I can barely understand what you're saying and you are HOSING DOWN the equipment again! "Before you come on duty again, Lieutenant Cyrus, take your medication"! "Someone send a janitor up to the Communication Station and wipe it down again before she starts a fire".
As Palmer begins walking off the bridge, she says to Ensign Bieber - "you have the Conn, Ensign", "But when I get back to the ship after my magnificent battle, you had better be in uniform!" "I will toss you out an airlock if I see you ever again with your pants hanging down and no shirt while commanding MY SHIP!" Yes ma'am!", say's Ensign Bieber.
"Listen up Marines", say's Sergeant Johnson. "This is the greatest Battle Cruiser the UNSC has ever created, it is about to unleash the most powerful anti-son-of-a-bitch....bitch-machine against these new alien bastards the universe has ever seen".
Johnson walks away with Spartan 117 and he say's to him, "suck it up Chief, someday they will find a use for you again?" "Oh, before I forget Chief!" I just got a new puzzle book for us to try....it's called "Where's Cortana?". "It's like the Where's Waldo puzzle they had on earth about 500 years ago or so and the artwork is great!" "Sniff"...."sniff" heard from the Chief. "What's wrong Chief?" "Don't worry son, we will find her..........someday?" The Chief whispers to himself while walking away, "not funny Johnson!"...."Asshole!"