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If pro is the opposite of con, what's the opposite of progress?
Could god create a burito so hot, that he himself could not eat it?
They call them fingers, but I never see them fing. Oh wait, there they go.
A new study indicates that 3 out of every 4 people in the world, make up 75% of the population.
If something goes without saying, why do people say it?
Inflammable means flammable? What a country!
Lady: "Okay, these are your V.I.P. passes."
Homer: "Excuse me but what does the 'I' stand for?"
Homer: "And what does the 'P' stand for?"
Homer: "What does the-"
Homer: "Oh, I see. What does the 'I' stand for again?"
Marge: "Homer, why are you frosting that pillow cushion?"
Homer: "I could ask you the same question."
Mr. Burns: "What's next, a talking bannana?" *Looks around*
Mr. Smithers: "I don't see one sir."
Mr. Burns: "Of course not, the very concept of a talking bannana is absurd...still. *Looks around*"
Homer: "What are you going to do Mr. Burns? Release your dogs or killer bees. Or dogs with killer bees in their mouths so when they bark, they shoot killer bees at you? Do your worse."
Mr. Burns: "Smithers, release the robotic Richard Simmons."
Homer: "AH! *Runs away*"
Homer: "Wow, everyone's marriage is falling apart but mine. The problem's communication...too much communication."
*In a show very similiar to Who Wants to be a Millionaire, we see Moe in the hot seat*
Show host: "Okay Moe, for $500,000, which of the following is not a subatomic particle. A) Neutron B)Proton C)BonBob or D) Electron?"
Moe: "Well I was born in September...so that's not it."
Marge: "Hmmm, why is Bart digging in the backyard?"
Homer: "I don't know. Maybe he's digging for drugs."
Marge: "There aren't any drugs in the backyard."
Homer: "No...of course not."